"Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most
frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous,
handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure
around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we
consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
When I heard these words for the first time
my eyes swelled and I found tear drops making a home in my lap. I wasn’t exactly
sure of where this overwhelming emotional outburst came from. I was watching the
movie Coach Carter and I wouldn’t necessarily describe it as a
tearjerker. Then it struck me, maybe I was crying because watching these young
boys transition to young men reminded me of my two brothers, growing; evolving;
becoming men in country where their life and experiences are often devalued. Or
maybe it was just me finally realizing that my deepest fear wasn’t failing but
rather succeeding all along. While failure isn’t my best friend, I have come to
value, respect and appreciate all that it brings to my life, as in my failures
I have found my greatest triumphs. My failures don’t necessarily prepare me for
the storm but they have given me the strength and tenacity to endure tumultuous
weather. It is in my failures where I am confronted, even challenged to
acknowledge who I am.
So who am I? I am a human being trying to
find balance amongst the light and darkness and not shrink in the process. I am a woman surrounded by “controlling
images” (Black Feminist Thought, Hill-Collins, 1990) that marginalizes my
existence not only as a woman but as a Black woman. Yet, I work diligently to challenge
historical and contemporary ideologies of “Blackness” and Black women both
through scholarship and activism. I am a consumer and critic of media, a job
that goes hand and hand for me. From movie to music to blogs to research, I’m
online in the trenches trying to remain current but also make sense of the many
images that I’m inundated with daily. How can I watch Law & Order and not be
excited to see S. Epatha Merkerson (aka Lieutenant Van Buren) in a position of
power yet not wonder if her character simply perpetuate “controlling images” of
Black women (i.e. the “matriarch”, the “professional/Black lady”). When I hear
discussion surrounding the image of Black women in the media, Momma Dee from
the show Love & Hip Hop-Atlanta seems to always find herself at the core of current
debates. Who am I to silence her truth, her life, her stories just because
I don’t agree or have a frame of reference for the life she’s led? How do I
listen to hip hop music and not be outraged over the misogyny and sexism but
also not acknowledge and question agency and autonomy? Why does hip hop receive
such bad representation yet Rock N Roll music has a Hall of Fame and Rhythm and
Blues, or even Country Western for that matter, can be equally as salacious or
violent just not as direct or abrasive? So as I try to find the right word or
words to tell you who I think I am, the best I can do today is tell you that I’m
an individual on a quest to find balance
not only in my life personally but socially and I hope that I can use the media
to serve as a NECESSARY conduit to promote positive social change.
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